Patient [swinging left arm back and forth]: Doctor, it hurts whenever I do this.

Doctor: So? Don't do that!

Here at the Outpatient Clinic we have stored wounded sentences and infected phrases that actually appeared in student papers and in online discussions. Here are just a few that suffer from various language diseases. The author's names have been removed, of course.

"Our world can be a scary place with crazy people hurting innocent people, so when we can laugh we need to be able to do it."

"...when television first came out the silent film makers did not overlook the power and popularity of comedy."

"I also feel that topics will always be controversial and I am OK with that. And then sometimes they may not be."

"Being a comedian in American can be challenging for comedians."

"Suicide is such a sensitive topic because it has to do with the mental mind."

"I think that establishing laws about what comedians can not say is a bite overboard."

"During the time period what he was saying was controversial and had to be treated with kit gloves.

"Moms (Mabely) enjoyed the traps of her success."

"When I first read, 'A Modest Proposal' in my freshman year of college, I was flabbergasted! I was laughing historically, but felt badly doing so."

"Something like that could spin out of control and perhaps cause deeper seeded pains to emerge that already exist such as the seriousness that racism's still exists today."

"A joke that used to be, “Why don’t Italians have freckles? Because they slide off!” has changed to, “You know you’re at a serious Mexican birthday party when it’s being held at Chuck E. Cheese but they brought their own food, cake, and a piñata.” (Silva)."

"...eventually all his creditors were paid off from the inventions Twain had ventured into that were not successful."

"There is an attitude in America that it's part of the Constitution that Americans are free."

"Bill Maher [is] as close as one can get without actually being of the elk of Twain."

"I just do not watch much TV. It is not to sound conceded."

"It's also fun to poke fun of ridged people who are all about appropriateness."

"Chaplin lived way before my time, but died shortly after I graduated from High School."

"Homer also constantly being tricked by his smart aleck son, Bart Simpson. Bart, like Dennis the menus, and other modern day comedic smart alecks and trouble makers, loves to irritate any and all authority figures..."

"One mintue the news says we are in Iran fighting. The next mintue we are in Afghanistan. I don't know where the actual enemy is becuase it is just plain confusing. I just don't keep up with stuff like that. I know it should be important, but I feel like too many of our people are fighting for nothing at the moment. I am sure someone will have something to say about that. I am just tired of innocent lives being taken. Also, each war usually has a name. Does this one even have a name? "

Had enough? No? You really want more? If so....GO FOR IT!

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